Crushes, love, and infatuation: Lessons learned in and out of the garage

"MrAaro" (mraaro) 09/04/2015 at 05:54 • Filed to: dragon, e46, BMW, Celica, Jeep, Jeep Cherokee

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Warning: long and personal read coming up.

I saw Amber for the first time when I was fifteen. There was something about her that appealed to my teenage self: she was petite, pretty, and got my hormones pumping. My friends and I talked about her a lot, but were never able to talk to her—she was popular, and just enough out of our league that she had the allure of the unattainable. Looking back, I think my crush had more to do with the idea of being seen with her than actually enjoying spending time with her—but what do 15 year olds know? She was a real head-turner, at least to my eyes, and isn’t that what matters?

As luck would have it, I ran into her again when I was 20 and in college. My immediate course of action, naturally, was to ask her out and make all of my teenage dreams come true. She said yes, we started spending a lot of time together. But as the months wore on, I found out there was a lot about her that no longer appealed to me. Her style and personality—that had been so cool when I was 15—had not matured with my own. As the months—and eventually years—wore on, I tried fixing here little tics that bothered me, insisted on her getting a new haircut (hers was a bit too “out there” and now attracted a bit too much attention for my taste), and became pretty close to trying to change her her entire wardrobe so that she could fit in better with my and my friends’ style. But, eventually, I realized that none of this would help, since it wasn’t her style that was the problem—it was that I had outgrown her. Even though she seemed cool and exciting in her own unique way, all that “look at me” business just didn’t appeal to me anymore. Eventually—and I realize now that this was inevitable—she got so sick of my interferences and my refusal to accept her that our relationship just ended with a crash. At the time it felt like it came out of nowhere, but looking back it shouldn’t have been a surprise. Indeed, I wasn’t even shocked or disappointed when it happened. Instead, I felt free. In trying to mold her into what I wanted her to be, I had trapped her and myself in this cage in which neither of us were free to be fulfilled.

A little while after the breakup, my good friend set me up with a friend of his. When I first saw her, I was not too impressed: Beth was practically the opposite of Amber: big (not overweight, mind you, but on the opposite end of the scale from petite) and nowhere near as hot as Amber (though she was attractive in a more traditional sense). But as we talked during our first meeting, I found out that she had a rugged, adventurous, and completely approachable personality—the kind of woman you knew would be just as happy watching Netflix with you as going camping in the backcountry. It took less than an hour, and I was sold.

Our first few dates were amazing, and the more I learned about her, the more intrigued I became—she was born into a well-off family, but had grown up on in the countryside on the family’s ranch. She was used to dressing in fancy clothes but didn’t mind putting on cowboy boots on and getting dirty when necessary.

A few weeks into our relationship, I got a call that had the potential to change everything: Beth was in the hospital. She had some internal issues that required pretty serious surgery. This spelled a long recover process, and one in which I was going to have to play an active role—basically taking care of her and nursing her back to health along with some help from friends and family. This process took several months and helped to cement the bond between us.

For the next couple of years, Beth and I had the time of our lives. Though we spent almost every day together, even the most minor details of her life were fascinating to me. She was always by my side, always smiling even though she her health issues popped up every so often. But even though others may have seen her as a borden or a chore, I never felt that way. She deserved the best care I could offer her.

Beth got along with all of my good friends, but others didn’t seem to appreciate her so much. It got to the point where I began using the way others treated her as a barometer for how much respect they deserved. Whereas my best friends valued her just as much as I did, some others questioned our relationship and asked me what I saw in her. But I never felt the need to explain it to them or to make excuses on her behalf. If they couldn’t see what made her beautiful to me, I wouldn’t be able to make them understand.

All of a sudden though, after a few years of bliss, everything changed. I was given the opportunity to move to Europe for study and work (something I had always dreamed of doing), but—as adventurous as she was—I knew she would not be able to make the move due to her health issues. Don’t get me wrong—I tried to figure out any way I could to make it work, but it just wasn’t possible. With a good share of tears, we said our goodbyes and I hopped on the plane. We had a good run for a few years, and there were times when I seriously contemplated spending the rest of my life with her, even though when we met I was only 23 years old.

After that massive breakup, I was turned off from women for a few years. Every once in a while I’d see a girl who reminded me of Beth—her hair, or her legs, or the way she sounded—and I’d wonder why I didn’t try harder to make it work. But I knew that the decision we made was the best one we could have made at the time.

Then, one winter’s evening, I met Clara. I saw her and couldn’t look away—she was “The Lady in Red”, even though she was wearing a light gray dress. The night after I first saw her I had trouble sleeping. You know how it is. We started dating a few weeks later. I loved the way she looked, the way she felt, and the way she made me feel when I was with her in public. I felt like people—at least other guys who saw me with her—respected me a little bit more when they found out she was with me.

As time went on though, I found that there was a price to pay for all this attention I had begun to enjoy. There are women out there who are relatively care-free, and there are those who are high maintenance. Clara was like high maintenance in a war zone. Forget hiking or even going out when it was snowing—she would have none of that. She had expensive taste, and made me pay for everything—even a chipped nail somehow ended up costing me hundreds of euros. And keep in mind that all this time, I was still a poor student. A poor, infatuated, should’ve-known-better student.

As this relationship dragged on, I found myself longing for the times spent with Beth. Though had had our share of problems—we spent a lot of time addressing issues and fixing things—I never felt like it was a chore, because I knew that both her and I would end up better for it. But every time Clara and I argued, I felt like the thin, rusted out cable that tied us together was just waiting to snap

I broke up with Clara a year later, after some deep life lessons and thousands of euros spent to keep her looking good. It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would, and I’ve never once regretted it. Now I’m just trying to find someone like Beth again.

_______________________________________________________

Amber never fully recovered from the crash that ended our relationship.

Beth undergoing surgery in 2009, a month after I met her.

Clara looking her best back in 2014. Now I’m sure she has gone on to find other masochistic objects of abuse.

Tohru > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 06:14

3

That twist came outta fuckin’ nowhere. +1

Montalvo > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 06:27

7

Dude, seriously one of the best pieces on Oppo I have ever read and I have been around here for years.

MrAaro > Montalvo 09/04/2015 at 06:40

0

Wow, you are too kind! I’ve had this subject brewing in my mind for a couple years, figured I’d finally write it down. :D

MrAaro > Tohru 09/04/2015 at 06:41

1

Whew, I was afraid it would be too obvious. Cheers!

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 07:12

0

Holy shit. This is an amazing (post HW) read. +1000 keks

shop-teacher > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 07:12

0

Well worth the long read!

Guy Meurice > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 07:12

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Well I didn’t see that coming! Great piece of writing!

TractorPillow > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 07:19

0

Fun read. I like when you know the author put their heart into something and you can almost feel their emotions. Great job!

Tohru > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 07:21

1

Unless I miss my mark, the first one is an ‘02 Celica?

The last one, being a BMW, is subject to my Photoshop policy.

Image adjusted to 1920x1080.

De-kidney’d.

MrAaro > Tohru 09/04/2015 at 07:25

1

Very close! The cars were: 2003 Celica GT-S, 1992 Jeep Cherokee Laredo 4x4, and 2000 BMW 316i with the M-sport package.

And that de-kidneyed BMW sure looks like a Volvo. Weird!

MrAaro > CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) 09/04/2015 at 07:26

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Woohoo! Now I gotta figure out what to do with my 1000 keks!

MrAaro > TractorPillow 09/04/2015 at 07:26

0

Thanks man, appreciate it!

MrAaro > shop-teacher 09/04/2015 at 07:27

1

Cheers!

MrAaro > Guy Meurice 09/04/2015 at 07:27

0

PLOT TWIST. Thanks man!

Sam > Tohru 09/04/2015 at 07:33

2

Suddenly, it’s an S80.

random001 > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 07:33

0

I laughed when I saw Greta. =0)

Sorry to see what happened to Sofia, also sorry to say I can’t really identify her make and model...

Tohru > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 07:35

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First time anyone’s said Volvo. Usually I get Kia or Buick. And sometimes I just do awful things.

Long Live the Longdoor > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 07:35

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Tohru > Sam 09/04/2015 at 07:37

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Now that’s the second time I’ve heard Volvo. Weird. I’ve done this generation before and nobody’s said Volvo.

This is Party-Vi’s BMW.

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 07:40

0

This is good Oppo

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Tohru 09/04/2015 at 07:41

2

Ooooouuuuhhhh yeah #onegrill

Tohru > SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman 09/04/2015 at 07:46

0

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 07:50

3

Wow, this is good oppo. Here I was ready to read the blasts in the comments section, but damn that was a good twist.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Tohru 09/04/2015 at 07:51

1

I thought it was surprisingly later-Rover like.

Tohru > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 09/04/2015 at 08:00

0

First I’ve heard that, too. Then again, I look at clownshoes and think “Hyundai”.

That one didn’t merge well.

MrAaro > random001 09/04/2015 at 08:07

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Haha, yeah, I reckon there are more than a few people who can relate. And Sofia was a 2003 Toyota Celica GT-S. I’d say I miss her, but...I really don’t.

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 08:16

0

Amazing piece of writing! I hope this becomes front page material! :D

ArmadaExpress drives a turbo outback > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 08:17

0

Very glad I read to the very end. Nice job!

LongbowMkII > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 08:18

1

I got it, but maybe that says more about how I see cars... [/dragon]

Still a good read, knew that bonnie was an XJ.

iNvDrZiM > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 08:20

1

The lead image (that Oppo automatically adds whenever you have images within an article) gave it away for me from the begining.

However, while reading about “Bonny” (and before getting to the images) - I somehow knew you were talking about a Jeep.

This was very well-written and I’m sure to those whom the surprise wasn’t spoiled for it was even more enjoyable!

MrAaro > iNvDrZiM 09/04/2015 at 08:26

1

Mmhm, that picture business kind of gives it away, but glad you read it anyway! And yeah, there’s just something about those Jeeps...

Hiroku > Tohru 09/04/2015 at 08:32

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Could you turn that de-kidney’d grill into a Volvo grill by adding the logo and diagonal line? Now I am legitimately curious as to how a Volvo 316i would look like!

Hiroku > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 08:34

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What exactly happened to her, BTW?

MrAaro > Hiroku 09/04/2015 at 08:42

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Slammed into a disabled SUV on the highway. Wasn’t pretty, but thankfully there were no serious injuries.

Tohru > Hiroku 09/04/2015 at 08:44

5

Quick and dirty:

Clemsie McKenzie > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 08:59

1

Man I can’t believe I didn’t see that coming! Well done, excellent article! That may be something that non-petrolhead people will never truly understand, the deep relationship with our fun-mobiles. Cheers!

Hiroku > Tohru 09/04/2015 at 09:00

1

Hehe. That actually looks like something that could have rolled out of Sweden.

Now I’m imagining a parallel universe in which Volvo E46 drivers use their blinkers and park correctly in between the lines!

Hiroku > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 09:03

0

Ouch! Judging by that pic, it’s hard to believe no one was hurt in that! Glad everything turned out OK.

It’s just that since you kept using the word “explosion” I somehow pictured the engine bay just suddenly going up in flames as you were cruising along the motorway! :p

TractorPillow > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 09:06

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I knew it just because of the title....well thought I knew it then I changed my mind for a second and thought it was about girls and then youd get into cars later...then surprise it was cars all along!

Party-vi > Tohru 09/04/2015 at 09:12

1

I still hate you for this.

Tohru > Party-vi 09/04/2015 at 09:17

1

Because you can’t unsee it? Or because it actually looks better this way?

MrAaro > Hiroku 09/04/2015 at 09:20

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Haha, yeah. But this was a Celica, not a Ferrari. ;)

Party-vi > Tohru 09/04/2015 at 09:30

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Because it makes me weep.

Tohru > Party-vi 09/04/2015 at 09:33

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I’m sorry. Well, not really. I could put a Volvo badge on it if it’ll make you feel better.

MR2_FTW - Group J's resident Stig > MrAaro 09/04/2015 at 09:43

0

Party-vi > Tohru 09/04/2015 at 09:55

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It looks better with the Volvo badge honestly.